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HUMORSIDA

It’s a snowy day and American President steps out onto the White House grass. Right in front of him, on the White House grass, he sees “Donald Trump sucks!” written in urine across the snow.

Donald is pretty annoyed about this so he storms into his security staff’s headquarters, and shouts, “Somebody wrote an insult in the snow on the front damn lawn! And they wrote it with pee! Whoever did it had to be standing right on the porch when he did it! Where were you guys?!”

The security personnels are in silence and stare ashamedly at the floor.

Trump yells, “Damnation!, don’t just sit there! Get out and find out who did it! I want an answer, and I want it tonight!”

The entire staff immediately jump up and race for the exits.

Later that night, chief security officer approaches him and says, “Well Mr. President, we have some bad news and we have some really bad news. Which do you want to hear first?”

Trump replies, “Give me the bad news first.”

The officer says, “Well, we took a sample of the urine and tested it. The results just came back, and it was Mike Pence’s urine.”

Donald says, “Oh Jesus, I feel so… so… betrayed! My own vice president! Well, what’s the really bad news?”

The security chief replies, “Well Mr. President, it’s Melania’s handwriting”!

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HUMORSIDA

Dear School,

God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior citizen’s luncheon. I’m 94 years old and live at the local Home for the Aged. My family has long since passed away and I rarely have visitors. As a result, I have very limited contact with the outside world. This makes your gift especially welcome.

My roommate, Maggie Cook, has had her own radio for as long as I’ve known her. She listens to it all the time, though usually with an earplug or with the volume so low, I can’t hear it. For some reason, she has never wanted to share it.

Last Sunday morning, while listening to her morning gospel programs, she accidentally knocked her radio off its shelf. It smashed into many pieces, and caused her to cry. It was so sad.

Fortunately, I had my new radio. Knowing this, Maggie asked if she could listen to mine.
I told her to fuck off.

God bless you.

Sincerely,
Edna Johnson

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HUMORSIDA

För sura intjänade 250 Lakan
Jag handlade en Stingray Cab-Coupe
Man måste ha säkert gummiband om Hakan
om den man vill framföra med fejk-äkta Toupe !

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HUMORSIDA

Three men, a philosopher, a mathematician and an idiot, were out riding in the car when it crashed into a tree. Before anyone knows it, the three men found themselves standing before the pearly gates of Heaven, where St. Peter and the Devil were standing nearby.
“Gentlemen,” the Devil started, “Due to the fact that Heaven is now overcrowded, St. Peter has agreed to limit the number of people entering Heaven. If anyone of you can ask me a question which I don’t know or cannot answer, then you’re worthy enough to go to Heaven; if not, then you’ll come with me to Hell.”
The philosopher then stepped up, “OK, give me the most comprehensive report on Socrates’ Socrates’ teachings.” With a snap of his finger, a stack of paper appeared next to the Devil. The philosopher read it and concluded it was correct. “Then, go to Hell!” With another snap of his finger, the philsopher disappeared.
The mathematician then asked,”Give me the most complicated formula ever theorized!” With a snap of his finger, another stack of paper appeared next to the Devil. The mathematician read it and reluctantly agreed it was correct. “Then, go to Hell!” With another snap of his finger, the mathematician disappeared too.

The idiot then stepped forward and said, “Bring me a chair!” The Devil brought forward a chair. “Drill 7 holes on the seat.” The Devil did just that. The idiot then sat on the chair and let out a very loud fart. Standing up, he asked, “Which hole did my fart come out from?” The Devil inspected the seat and said,”The third hole from the right.” “Wrong,” said the idiot, “it’s from my asshole.” And the idiot went to heaven.

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When Stalin completed 25 years of his rule over the SovietUnion, he wanted a special postage stamp issued, with his picture on it. The stamps were duly released. Within a few days Stalin began hearing complaints that the stamp was not sticking properly, and became furious.
He called the chief of the Secret Service and ordered him to investigate the matter. The chief checked the matter out and then reported on the problem to Stalin.
The report stated: “There is nothing wrong with the quality of the stamp. The problem is, our citizens are spitting on the wrong side”.

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HUMORSIDA

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